


We've Come So Far, My Dear

by julesohara



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Peraltiago, how dare you tempt me with a small bookstore, i'm bad at tagging but extremely into this concept!!!, lovable and lovable, small bookstore fic, so much angst in so few words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-24 19:22:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10748178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julesohara/pseuds/julesohara
Summary: "When did all of this time pass?"Amy wanders through the bookstore, the one that she still claims is the most important thing in her life, as she prepares for the most difficult event she will ever attend, all the while reminiscing about the best parts of her latest job.





	We've Come So Far, My Dear

**Author's Note:**

> This was of course inspired by the "how dare you tempt me with a small bookstore??" quote that changed so many lives. I'm definitely the most late to the game with a small bookstore fic (and let's be real, it kinda got away from me!) but I'm still very passionate about this concept. 
> 
> (I also I slipped a little dianetti in ;)) because they'll get married. It'll happen. I promise.)

The sun poured through the huge windows as it always did, illuminating the collection of books that Amy tended to as if they were her garden and her children all rolled into one. She let her hand drop gently onto the bannister of the spiral staircase Jake had promised her all those years ago, when they first decided to leave the city behind. It was practically just yesterday that she was grinning uncontrollably in the evidence room, their hands intertwined, as he told her that they would under no circumstances buy a crappy building without a spiral staircase. It felt like a marriage proposal at the time, which of course it wasn’t. That would come a few months after they stepped through the huge doors and stared at the empty bookcases rising more than a few feet above their heads, like a scene from Beauty and the Beast.

When he reached over to grab her hand, murmuring “This is our big Tiana moment,” she barely had time to react to the fact that they had chosen completely different movies to reference before her heart erupted in her chest. The last rays of that evening’s sunset caught the cobwebs on the outdated light fixtures, making it all so, so real. She wanted to live in that feeling.

Amy took a few steps down the stairs, glancing up at the lights above her. Jake had eventually figured out a way to clean them, which had involved the two of them taking turns swinging from the loft to throw dusters at the chandelier. They had to replace at least six light bulbs from that incident alone.

Suddenly, she was on the ground floor, walking through the jungle of shelves. She remembered each book specifically, knew the maze of novel after novel like the back of her hand. If she wasn’t such a strong supporter of the Dewey decimal system, she wouldn’t have even needed it. This section was where she had gotten down on one knee to ask him to marry her, as he pulled out an engagement ring of his own. That aisle was where Jake had presented her with a baby naming book. Right under this collection of poetry books was where they had held each other, crying because her pregnancy test had finally,  _ finally _ shown up positive. Over in the children's fantasy section—

Her breath caught in her throat as she stared across the room at the Harry Potter series, with their perfect eye-level position on the shelf. Had it only been a few years before that she had made the same walk and stumbled upon Jake, on his knees, helping a customer who couldn’t have been much older than eight find a book? She had watched him, smiling, from the wheeled wooden ladder they had gotten as a housewarming gift from an old friend, because a Parisian ladder maker had reportedly owed his husband a favor. Amy felt her grin growing wider as she watched him inform the little boy that the book he had selected was life-changing. He handed him the book, instructing him to read the back cover, and she caught a glimpse of the familiar hippogriff of  _ Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. _

“It’s the third book, but that’s okay, you can come in and get the first two once we restock. Everyone wants them!”

“Everyone?” the boy asked, holding the novel like it was the most valuable thing he owned. Amy knew the feeling. “It’s long. I don’t know—”

“Hey, don’t worry about it!” Jake told him softly. “When I started reading  _ Harry Potter _ , I had only ever read something like twenty books. No, fifteen books. No, eighteen—anyway, I wasn’t a big reader. And now I work in a bookstore!”

He glanced around the store, his interest clearly growing. “Well, why’d you even want to read this book anyway?”

Jake was grinning, but it was then that his face morphed into that goofy look she knew so well. “My wife wanted me to.”

“She made you read the whole book?” he asked incredulously. Jake chuckled a little.

“No, she didn’t know about it. I wanted to read all seven of them and then impress her with it.” 

The boy made a face. “There are  _ seven _ ?”

“Really, you’ll love them,” Jake promised. “Here, take it, and if you don’t like it you can bring it back. If you do like it, you can come talk to me about Sirius Black! I have some strong opinions.”

Amy’s smile grew so big, she was worried it might actually split her face in half. She turned away, subconsciously hoping Jake wouldn’t see how dorky her response was. When she glanced back at the Harry Potter books, they were both gone. 

It was so long ago.

She made her way through the shelves and up to the checkout counter, rubbing her palms against the wood. This was where Jake would stand for hours, so she would be free to roam the store and interact with the people who wandered in, looking for books and conversation. This is where everything happened. This is where they lived their lives, and made it through each day in the town that was barely even on the map. 

This is where everything ended.

Amy heard the light jangle of the bell on the door and the sound of boots on the hardwood. They were comforting noises, familiar noises. She didn’t have to turn around to know who it was.

“Rosa, Gina,” she said, tired but never tired of them. The three of them fell into a group hug that was mostly her idea. She let them squirm in her arms for a moment before releasing them, and turning to the third person at the door. 

“Hi, Maya.”

She smiled. “How are you, mom?”

Amy sighed, dropping her shoulders and releasing a breath she hadn’t known she was holding. “I’m doing as well as I can. How are you holding up?”

Maya shrugged slightly, embracing her mother. “About the same. It’ll be okay.”

She buried her head in her daughter’s curls, trying to remember how she ended up this tall. It was probably Jake’s genes. Almost everything Maya did reminded her of him, despite the fact that people would always approach the pair and tell them how much they looked like mother and daughter. Whenever Amy looked at her, she saw Jake smiling back at her.

“It’ll be okay,” Maya repeated. “It’ll be fine.”

“It will be,” Amy agreed, “but that doesn’t mean it’s fine now.”

Maya nodded, breathing out something like a sigh of relief. It was going to take everyone time to recover, and that was normal. Amy had already reminded herself that grief was a process, that it’s okay to need time, that no one was expecting her to go back to normal immediately. It wasn’t really helping.

Rosa pressed her lips together gently, but whether she was impatient or holding back tears Amy didn’t know. “We should hurry. This isn’t a good day to be late.”

Gina let out a soft “yeah” that was startlingly out of character. Amy forced her back into a quick hug as the four of them made their way towards the doors. Taking one last look at the high ceilings and vast collection of books that was the product of years of dedication and love, Maya pushed open the glass door and held it for the rest of the group.

As she passed through the doorway, Amy caught a glimpse of herself in the pane. It took a painful moment for her to realize who was staring back at her. Her hand flew to the unrecognizably white hair on her head, her fingers tracing the wrinkles running down her face. When did all of this time pass?

The car ride was quiet. Maya drove carefully, pausing almost a second too long at each stop sign as if to ensure nothing would happen to her passengers. In the back seat, Rosa’s fingers were intertwined with Gina’s. 

“I know,” Rosa told her wife, squeezing her hand reassuringly. Amy watched a tear streak down Gina’s cheek as she nodded silently in response. 

When they arrived at the funeral home, it was just as quiet. She didn’t know what she had expected. It wasn’t like they were going to be blaring the  _ Die Hard  _ soundtrack or organizing a flash mob to “Funky Cold Medina,” but something felt uncomfortable about the empty parking lot. Maya parked the car and helped Rosa out of her seat, gesturing for Gina and Amy to follow. 

Amy closed her eyes, leaning back stiffly in her seat. She knew it was going to be okay eventually. She had friends and kids and even grandchildren to think about, there was no time to wallow in grief.

“But what if he wasn’t happy?” she found herself asking out loud. “He wanted to die on the force, in a big explosion. He  _ lived _ for his job, and I took that away from him. He died peacefully in a tiny hospital. He worked in a bookstore. He didn’t get any of the things he wanted.” 

“Okay, I’m gonna hate myself for saying this,” Gina told her from the back seat. Amy hadn’t known she would wait for her. “He got you. Ugh, that’s a thing that sappy losers say. You know what? I’m leaving.”

Amy heard the door open and slam shut, followed by the scrambling of her heels on the gravel parking lot. She let herself smile, only a little guiltily. It didn’t seem right to smile a few feet away from her husband’s wake, but maybe that’s what Jake would’ve wanted. She wasn’t really sure.

What she knew was that she hadn’t seen Charles, Captain Holt, or Terry in a ridiculously wrong time. She knew that her family and friends were all inside, ready to talk about Jake and help her through the most difficult thing she had ever dealt with.

Amy took a deep breath, and opened the car door.

**Author's Note:**

> One more thing: the character of maya isn't mine, I got permission to include her from @philthestone (her description is based on phil's art, as well, which is so incredible and adorable!)


End file.
